Nothing to Declare

Still very slow. I feel like a broken record when I say my comprehension is better and better, but my speaking lags.

My salsa skills are stuck in a plateau as well. (Though that may have something to do with skipping dance class all week.)

Learning a language seems a lot like learning to dance. Aquire some basic skills - the dance steps, the conjugations. Then forget them and just do it. I am still thinking too much - when I dance, when I speak spanish. I haven't figured out how to let go and move to the music.

I am making some progress though. Finally, I am studying the subjunctive. Most folks dread this, because it doesn't exist in English - a separate set of conjugations, in present, past and a compound tense, all used to express hypotheticals, things that might have happened or may still, desires, dreams, fears, advice, requests, pleas. anything out of your control.

Our teacher is fabulous, tons of energy, humor, a former actor. I was embarrassed that he reminded me of Speedy Gonzalez until I learned his nickname is The Rat. He makes the grammar come alive, and shows us how it reflects the culture. He also teaches us swear words and tells us long stories about friends, people from his village, politicians, etc.

The subjunctive is much more revealing, more personal and yet, at the same time, less direct, than the imperative or indicative. I also like that he uses songs and short stories to illustrate the grammar. WE almost never open our textbook. Instead, we analyze songs (Solo le pidio a Dios, Si yo fuera mujer, by Joaquin Sabina), or interpret stories (Es que somos pobres, by Juan Rulfo, or Para entrar al jardin, by Juan Jose Arreola). I really enjoy trying to figure out the symbolism. I even like diagraming the sentences in the stories. I know that sounds geeky, but it beats the lame examples in language books. Understanding a sentence completely, not just getting the gist or the context, is rewarding. And it feels like progress.

So...I can do that. But I can't necessarily communicate. A few days ago, I was buying toothpaste in the pharmacy. This pharmacy, like most, has a system I haven't quite figured out. I was in line for the cashier, but people kept cutting in front of me. I think someone behind the counter is supposed to pick out what you want, and then you take it to the cashier. But I skipped that part, since the toothpaste was right behind the cashier. So when I finally got to the cashier, she called over a clerk who picked out the toothpaste for me, and then sent me to the back of the line.

There are strategies to use when you start a sentence, but feel yourself about to run into a dead end, either because you lack the grammar or vocabulary to finish what you want to say. You can just start over. You can change course and alter what you were going to say just slightly. If I can't think of how to conjugate a verb, for example, i try to use one of the prepositions that requires an infinitive, and thus eliminates the need to conjugate.

Usually stuff like what happened at the pharmacy makes me laugh, but this time, it frustrated me and so i tried to ask what the heck I was supposed to do when I come into this store. And teh guy could not have looked more confused. I can only imagine what I might have been saying. And the more confused he looked, the less I could reach for a strategy that would make my meaning clear.

In the end, i was just getting more frustrated and making less sense. And he was practicing his best version of "smile and nod at the crazy lady and maybe she'll go away." We wound up shrugging and turning away from eachother. No importa, I told him. But really it is. I spent the whole walk back to school trying to plot out how I could have said what I wanted to say.